What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!'
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
A little boy went up to his father and asked : 'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'
His father replied : 'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine.'
Jimmy's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying : 'Jimmy seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.'
The mother wrote back the next day : 'If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his father!'
ayat belakang
Pada suatu hari Ahmad dan rakan karibnya, Hassan, pergi memancing kat sungai.
Dalam bosan-bosan menunggu ikan, Ahmad berkata,
Ahmad: aku ada satu cerita.
Hassan: cerita ape?
Ahmad: nanti kalau aku bercerita, kau kena ikut perkataan belakangnya, boleh?
Hassan: yela...
Ahmad pun memulakan ceritanya...
Ahmad :satu hari aku pergi memburu.
Hassan : memburu.
Ahmad : aku masuk ke dalam hutan.
Hassan : hutan.
Ahmad : tiba-tiba aku rasa nak terberak.
Hassan : berak.
Ahmad : aku berlari ke semak.
Hassan :semak.
Ahmad : aku pun berak.
Hassan : berak.
Ahmad : satu hari yang lain aku pergi memburu lagi.
Hassan : lagi.
Ahmad : aku pergi ke tempat yang aku berak dulu.
Hassan : dulu.
Ahmad : aku lihat tahi aku sudah tak ada.
Hassan : ada.
Ahmad : aku pun tertanya-tanya.
Hassan : tanya.
Ahmad : siapa makan tahi aku?
Hassan : aku...
p/s: aku terkena weh! so aku share la ngn ampa suma.. hahahaha..
Dalam bosan-bosan menunggu ikan, Ahmad berkata,
Ahmad: aku ada satu cerita.
Hassan: cerita ape?
Ahmad: nanti kalau aku bercerita, kau kena ikut perkataan belakangnya, boleh?
Hassan: yela...
Ahmad pun memulakan ceritanya...
Ahmad :satu hari aku pergi memburu.
Hassan : memburu.
Ahmad : aku masuk ke dalam hutan.
Hassan : hutan.
Ahmad : tiba-tiba aku rasa nak terberak.
Hassan : berak.
Ahmad : aku berlari ke semak.
Hassan :semak.
Ahmad : aku pun berak.
Hassan : berak.
Ahmad : satu hari yang lain aku pergi memburu lagi.
Hassan : lagi.
Ahmad : aku pergi ke tempat yang aku berak dulu.
Hassan : dulu.
Ahmad : aku lihat tahi aku sudah tak ada.
Hassan : ada.
Ahmad : aku pun tertanya-tanya.
Hassan : tanya.
Ahmad : siapa makan tahi aku?
Hassan : aku...
p/s: aku terkena weh! so aku share la ngn ampa suma.. hahahaha..
pelik tapi betoi la!
order terus dari jamban.
ingin kereta anda dikapak?sila kesini.
buang air kecil sahaja,air besar sila tahan sampai rumah.
apa la jadi kalau owner kedai nmpk ni.
APAKAH FLU BABI ITU?
Flu babi adalah penyakit saluran pernafasan yang disebabkan oleh virus yang sangat menular, ada tiga jenis virus (A, B, C) yang dapat mengubah (change), dan ada beberapa subtipe. Dan yg terpenting
diketahui adalah karena ia mampu menyerang semua usia, dan lokasi dalam mutasi-mutasi virus yg sering menyebabkan komplikasi serius dan bahkan kematian pada banyak orang, sering terjadi pada anak-anak dan orang tua.
APAKAH FLU ITU SAMA DG FLU BIASA YG DISEBABKAN UDARA DINGIN?
Tidak, walaupun keduanya adalah pernafasan akut dan gejala penyakit yang umum, maka mahluk yg kecil yang menyebabkan flu babi berbeda dengan flu biasa (common cold-influenza)
BAGAIMANA CARA KERJA FLU BABI MENULARKAN?
Dari orang ke orang melalui secretions (proses pengeluaran) dari mulut dan hidung (batuk, bersin, berbicara, bernyanyi) atau kontak langsung (tangan, walau tidak terkena lendir/ludah pasien. Sangat contagious/menular (3-7 hari setelah gejala awal) dan risiko yang lebih tinggi jika terjadi di ruang tertutup (kamar, nurseries/ruang perawatan, sekolah, perawatan di rumah, ruang darurat, dll). Dapat menjadi epidemi/pandemi ke seluruh dunia dalam waktu 3 sampai 6 bulan.
BAGAIMANA MENGENALI GEJALA ORANG TERKENA FLU BABI?
* Demam lebih dari 38 ° C.
* Sering batuk dan intens.
* Sakit kepala.
* Kurang nafsu makan.
* Hidung tersumbat/sengau
* Lain-lain rasa tidak enak.
BAGAIMANA MENDIAGNOSA "FLU BABI"?
Kita perlu belajar bagaimana seorang dokter melakukan pemeriksaan klinis secara rinci mengenai latar belakang dan pemeriksaan terhadap pasien-pasien lain, kontak pasien dg orang lain dan perjalanan pasien (kemana saja?).
Diagnosis terhadap virus dengan mengidentifikasi secretions/pengelua
APAKAH "FLU BABI" BISA BERKOMPLIKASI (DENGAN PENYAKIT LAIN)?
Ya, gambaran tentang flu babi nampak tidak terkenali (sebelumnya) dan tidak terkait dengan penyakit lainnya namun dapat menghasilkan komplikasi, terutama pernafasan (otitis, sinusitis, rhinitis, radang paru-paru, Bronchopneumonia, merintangi radang tenggorokan)
Sangatlah penting untuk memantau anak-anak jika menerima pengobatan aspirin (mungkin encephalitis)
ADAKAH PELUANG MENGOBATI PENYAKIT FLU BABI?
Flu babi disebabkan oleh virus, dan belum ada obat yg manjur utk menuntaskannya, tetapi ada obat yang berfungsi utk mengurangi/memperla
BAGAIMANA SAYA DAPAT MENCEGAH FLU BABI?
Ada vaksin sebagai cara terbaik untuk mencegah flu jenis ini, maka setiap tahunnya telah disiapkan dengan mempertimbangkan jenis virus yang beredar di dunia, tetapi tidak (terlalu) baik bagi orang-orang yang alergi terhadap protein telur, sebuah pengalaman serius mengenai reaksi terhadap vaksin pernah dialami pada peristiwa "Guillain-Barre syndrome" (enam bulan setelah vaksinasi).
PANDUAN KEPADA MASYARAKAT UMUM:
* Hindari kontak dengan orang-orang yang memiliki infeksi pernafasan flu babi.
* Jangan menyapa atau mencium tangannya.
* Jangan berbagi makanan, penggunaan cangkir, piring, atau peralatan makan lainnya.
* Berikan kebebasan sinar matahari memasuki ruang dalam rumah, kantor, dan ruang-ruang tertutup lainnya (utk membakar virus).
* Jaga ruang dapur, kamar mandi, handle pintu, railings/pagar tangga, mainan anak-anak, telepon atau artikel-artikel/
* Jika terjadi demam mendadak, batuk-batuk, sakit kepala, sakit pada otot dan sendi, segera periksakan diri ke dokter atau unit kesehatan yg ada.
* Hangatkan badan dan hindari perubahan suhu mendadak (yg menyebabkan ketidakseimbangan tubuh sehingga menjadi flu).
* Makan buah-buahan dan sayuran yang kaya vitamin A dan C (wortel, pepaya, jambu biji, jeruk, jeruk kepruk, jeruk, lemon dan nanas).
* Seringlah mencuci tangan dengan sabun dan air.
* Hindari berkecimpung dalam lingkungan terkontaminasi virus tsb.
* Tidak merokok di tempat tertutup atau di dekat anak-anak, orang tua atau pasien.
* Ke dokter segera jika menemui/mengalami gejala-gejala.
APA LANGKAH-LANGKAH YANG DIREKOMENDASIKAN UNTUK MEREKA YANG MENDERITA FLU?
* Tinggal di rumah, menghindari pergi ke pusat-pusat kerja, sekolah atau tempat di mana terdapat konsentrasi orang (teater, bioskop, bar, bis, metro, klub malam, pesta, dll). Ini akan mencegah menjangkiti
orang lain melalui Anda.
* Tutup mulutdan hidung dengan tisu/saputangan ketika berbicara, batuk, bersin. Ini akan mencegah orang-orang di sekitar anda menjadi sakit.
* Hindari menyentuh mata, mulut dan hidung orang lain utk menghindari virus menyebar
* Flu dapat dicegah melalui penerapan vaksin yang disiapkan sesuai dengan jenis virus yang beredar di dunia), harus mendapatkan divaksinasi setiap tahun.
* Hindari debu, asap bergerak dan zat lainnya yang dapat mengganggu pernafasan dan membuat anak-anak lebih rentan terhadap penyakit.
* Gunakan cubrebocas, buang tisu hasil bersin ke kantong plastik dan bersinlah di ujung ruangan (jauh dari orang lain).
* Jika setelah 24 jam tanpa gejala, Anda dapat bekerja normal kembali.
Terakhir Diperbaharui:
Jumat 24 Apr 2009 pada 13:15 oleh Sweet Buenrostro (staf Departemen Kesehatan Mexico).
bapak dan ferrari merah
Sang ayah dan ibu sangat marah dan menyesal bila mengetahui anak perempuan mereka hamil.
"Siapa si bedebah tu," jerit sang ayah, sedang si ibu menangis. "Suruh dia datang sini!"
Si anak pun telepon le mamat yang bertanggung jawab. Setengah jam kemudian sebuah kereta
Ferrari merah berhenti di depan rumah. Seorang lelaki separuh baya keluar dari kereta, memberi
salam lalu masuk kerumah.
Lelaki itu berdepan dengan mak dan ayah perempuan yang telah dihamilinya.
Dia berkata, "Saya lelaki yang telah menghamili anak anda. Tapi terus terang saya katakan saya
tidak dapat menikahi anak anda kerana isteri saya tak membenarkan. Bagaimanapun, saya tetap
bertanggung jawab atas perbuatan saya. Sekiranya anak anda melahirkan seorang bayi perempuan
saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah supermarket, sebuah rumah banglo dan wang tunai
RM5 juta. Sekiranya dia melahirkan anak lelaki saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah kilang,
dua buah supermarket, dua buah rumah banglo dan wang tunai RM10 juta. Tapi sekiranya anak
anda keguguran apakah yang harus saya lakukan?"
Sang ayah berfikir. Siibu berhenti menangis. Akhirnya sambil menepuk bahu lelaki itu sang ayah
berkata, "Kalau camtu hang cuba le lagi."
"Siapa si bedebah tu," jerit sang ayah, sedang si ibu menangis. "Suruh dia datang sini!"
Si anak pun telepon le mamat yang bertanggung jawab. Setengah jam kemudian sebuah kereta
Ferrari merah berhenti di depan rumah. Seorang lelaki separuh baya keluar dari kereta, memberi
salam lalu masuk kerumah.
Lelaki itu berdepan dengan mak dan ayah perempuan yang telah dihamilinya.
Dia berkata, "Saya lelaki yang telah menghamili anak anda. Tapi terus terang saya katakan saya
tidak dapat menikahi anak anda kerana isteri saya tak membenarkan. Bagaimanapun, saya tetap
bertanggung jawab atas perbuatan saya. Sekiranya anak anda melahirkan seorang bayi perempuan
saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah supermarket, sebuah rumah banglo dan wang tunai
RM5 juta. Sekiranya dia melahirkan anak lelaki saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah kilang,
dua buah supermarket, dua buah rumah banglo dan wang tunai RM10 juta. Tapi sekiranya anak
anda keguguran apakah yang harus saya lakukan?"
Sang ayah berfikir. Siibu berhenti menangis. Akhirnya sambil menepuk bahu lelaki itu sang ayah
berkata, "Kalau camtu hang cuba le lagi."
10 Point to maintain friendship not friendshit!
1. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN GIVE TO A FRIEND, NOT WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF A FRIENDSHIP.
- If being happy is your only motive for wanting someone to be your friend, then you are not being a real friend. Don't get caught up in keeping tabs on who has given most in the friendship. Give to your friends regardless of how much they give to you.
2. ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIEND.
- Real friends inspire and push each other to be the best that they can be, rather than drag each other down. They are happy when other people achieve their goals.
3. BE WILLING TO FORGIVE.
- Don't let hurt turn to grudge. This is one sure way to destroy a friendship. Forgive your friend and move on.
4. TACTFULLY POINT OUT THEIR MISTAKES.
- This is one way to show concern for others. If you really care, you will tactfully point out a specific example for his own good. But once you've brought the problem to your friend's attention, don't harp on it all the time. Don't walk away from a friendship when you see some of your friend's faults. Be patient with a friend as he or she tries to change. Realize that nobody is perfect.
5. BE RELIABLE.
- When you say you are going to be there, be there.
6. DON'T TRY TO CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS.
- Real friendship does not mean you always have to be together. It may be tempting to have a fun person all to yourself, and feel threatened when your friend spends time with others. If you are afraid to let your friends out of your sight, you are probably afraid of losing them. Good friendship will endure time spent apart. You and your friends may learn to appreciate each other even more.
7. BE THERE FOR THE GOOD AND THE BAD TIMES.
- Celebrate with them if your friends are excited about something. But don't be there just for the good times. When your friend is upset about something, give them your full attention. Most of the time, what friends really need is a sympathetic ear, someone who understand their feelings.
- If being happy is your only motive for wanting someone to be your friend, then you are not being a real friend. Don't get caught up in keeping tabs on who has given most in the friendship. Give to your friends regardless of how much they give to you.
2. ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIEND.
- Real friends inspire and push each other to be the best that they can be, rather than drag each other down. They are happy when other people achieve their goals.
3. BE WILLING TO FORGIVE.
- Don't let hurt turn to grudge. This is one sure way to destroy a friendship. Forgive your friend and move on.
4. TACTFULLY POINT OUT THEIR MISTAKES.
- This is one way to show concern for others. If you really care, you will tactfully point out a specific example for his own good. But once you've brought the problem to your friend's attention, don't harp on it all the time. Don't walk away from a friendship when you see some of your friend's faults. Be patient with a friend as he or she tries to change. Realize that nobody is perfect.
5. BE RELIABLE.
- When you say you are going to be there, be there.
6. DON'T TRY TO CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS.
- Real friendship does not mean you always have to be together. It may be tempting to have a fun person all to yourself, and feel threatened when your friend spends time with others. If you are afraid to let your friends out of your sight, you are probably afraid of losing them. Good friendship will endure time spent apart. You and your friends may learn to appreciate each other even more.
7. BE THERE FOR THE GOOD AND THE BAD TIMES.
- Celebrate with them if your friends are excited about something. But don't be there just for the good times. When your friend is upset about something, give them your full attention. Most of the time, what friends really need is a sympathetic ear, someone who understand their feelings.
Handbook 2009
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time for prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like
algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.(Alhamdulillah)
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time for prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like
algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.(Alhamdulillah)
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.
kawin!
assalamualaikum wbt.
sebut pasai kawin ni,tahun ramai toi kawan2 aku yg kawin.. bob ayaq,ce'in,mat khalil,yuih jamil,ikhwan pendek,bear+munna, tharyl bang long,farid tonggek ngn ramai lagi tak disenaraikan.. alhamdulillah la kan,semua dah pakat sampai seru ngn jodoh dah.. dulu dok sembang2 ja,la ni jadi kenyataan dah.. tu tak kira kawan2 aku yang sebaya ngn aku.. siap yg ada anak 2-3 orang dah pon.. aku ja yg tadak anak lagi,anak buah ada la 3 org.. hahaha.. takpa,belum sampai lagi.. sapa takmau kawin toi dak?hehehehehe.. apa2 pon aku ucapkan tahniah kepada kawan2 aku yg akan melangsungkan perkahwinan tak lama lagi dan semoga berbahagia keanak cucu.. amin.. huhuhuhu.. kepada kawan2 aku yg bakal jadi bapak nanti,tahniah! hehehehe.. especially bob ayaq,mat kalil ngn shahet.. ni yg setahu aku la.. yg len depa tak inform pa pun.. tggu ja la.. wawah!
okla,sampai sini dulu story kita.. nanti sambung kisah seterusnya plak.. huhu..
sebut pasai kawin ni,tahun ramai toi kawan2 aku yg kawin.. bob ayaq,ce'in,mat khalil,yuih jamil,ikhwan pendek,bear+munna, tharyl bang long,farid tonggek ngn ramai lagi tak disenaraikan.. alhamdulillah la kan,semua dah pakat sampai seru ngn jodoh dah.. dulu dok sembang2 ja,la ni jadi kenyataan dah.. tu tak kira kawan2 aku yang sebaya ngn aku.. siap yg ada anak 2-3 orang dah pon.. aku ja yg tadak anak lagi,anak buah ada la 3 org.. hahaha.. takpa,belum sampai lagi.. sapa takmau kawin toi dak?hehehehehe.. apa2 pon aku ucapkan tahniah kepada kawan2 aku yg akan melangsungkan perkahwinan tak lama lagi dan semoga berbahagia keanak cucu.. amin.. huhuhuhu.. kepada kawan2 aku yg bakal jadi bapak nanti,tahniah! hehehehe.. especially bob ayaq,mat kalil ngn shahet.. ni yg setahu aku la.. yg len depa tak inform pa pun.. tggu ja la.. wawah!
okla,sampai sini dulu story kita.. nanti sambung kisah seterusnya plak.. huhu..
